


Take My Hand (We'll Be Okay)

by LarryLashton98



Series: Take My Hand (We'll Be Okay) [1]
Category: Fan Art - Sarah Tregay
Genre: Angst, Blushing, Blushing Jamie Peterson, Boys Kissing, Concerned Jamie Peterson, Crying, Domestic Fluff, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Hurt Mason Viveros, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jamie is a good friend, M/M, Making Out, Mr. V is an Asshole, Mr. V's A+ Parenting, Protective Jamie Peterson, Scars, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Worth Issues, Sharing a Bed, Teasing, Therapy, Undressing, Upset Jamie Peterson, Upset Mason Viveros, Worried Jamie Peterson, compliments, self-harm scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:08:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25186945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarryLashton98/pseuds/LarryLashton98
Summary: A few weeks into their relationship, Jamie and Mason find themselves back at McCall- this time with the approval of their parents. When something gets revealed about one of them, they need to sit down and talk to one another about things they haven't before.
Relationships: Jamie Peterson/Mason Viveros
Series: Take My Hand (We'll Be Okay) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832338
Comments: 10
Kudos: 6





	1. Together

**Author's Note:**

> For Tinea!
> 
> Prompt: They are making out and start to undress and one of them sees SH marks on the other (other would probs be my boi Mason due to his past and family) and the activities halt and they talk stuff out? Eventual fluuuff??????
> 
> I'm so sorry it took so long to get this out, but it's here now!
> 
> Thank you to MermaidMayonnaise and Anna_Marie for betaing/helping me write this.

Mason fell backwards onto the bed, pulling Jamie down over him and he couldn’t help but giggle. He feels like he is on cloud nine. Like nothing could bring him down.

They’d left Boise that morning to drive up here to McCall for the weekend, with his mom’s permission this time. She didn’t hand over the keys (the proper ones, not the spare) until he promised they’d be safe. That had been awkward, especially because both Frank and Mason were there. Mason had laughed and said, “Of course, Carrie. Wouldn’t dream of not,” rather confidently, though his cheeks were also slightly flushed. His mom kissed them both on the cheek and sent them off with hugs and some food. The drive went smoothly, the sun was shining, and the water wasn’t freezing for once. Now they had the whole weekend to themselves to enjoy the condo alone when they weren’t tired and grouchy. Jamie may or may not have been hoping to stay in for the afternoon for proper privacy with his boyfriend without having to worry about being interrupted.

Mason grabbed his face, pulling him down to press kisses all over his face. (His favourites are on the tip of his nose, they just make him _melt_.) Jamie couldn’t keep the over-the-moon smile off his face.

“You,” Mason booped him on his nose for emphasis, “are too cute.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s you,” Jamie said as he ran his fingers through Mason’s now dry curls. “Did you even see yourself today, splashing around in the water? And the way the sun lit up your hair? All soft and golden.”

“Um, no, because it’s on my fucking head.”

Jamie let out a loud burst of laughter. He loved it when Mason swore because he didn’t usually use foul language like that.

Bringing them back to his original comment, Mason continued on. “Besides, you’ve got your adorable smile.” Jamie blushed lightly at Mason calling him adorable. “There it is. It brings out your dimples and makes your eyes light up.”

Jamie’s blush darkened at Mason praising him and he pushed his face into Mason’s neck, letting out a whine. “Stop it.”

“Nope. I’m going to compliment every single part of you every single day, so you’ll just have to get used to it.”

Jamie grabbed his boyfriend's face, deciding the best way to shut him up was to otherwise occupy his mouth.

One of Mason's arms wrapped around his waist, pulling down on him until their bodies were completely flushed with one another.

Jamie melted into the kiss. They kissed a lot over the past two months since graduation, but that didn’t stop Jamie from feeling giddy inside every time it happened.

Mason’s lips were soft and feeling them on Jamie’s own lips and skin sent shivers through him. He loved how Mason always would gently cradle his face in both hands, giving Jamie his full attention; the warmth of his palms seeping into Jamie and filling him up with light and safety. His hands were always a gentle caress despite how intense they were making out. The dizzying rush of Mason’s Speed Stick often left him stumbling and fumbling over his words. His close proximity muddled with Jamie’s concentration and he loved it. It was like prom when he could hardly get out a proper sentence all night.

He also just loved how he got to kiss Mason whenever.

Once when he realized that he had a crush on Mason it hit him like a ton of bricks just _how much_ he loved Mason and wanted to be with him as more than just friends. It hurt when he had to keep telling himself to get over it when he thought Mason was straight. But now, now he knows he’s not and that Mason likes him back. All those daydreams coming true and he’s _kissing Mason_. 

Jamie's hands on Mason's chest slid along his body up to his shoulders and down his arms. When his hands met Mason’s he tangled their fingers together.

He pressed a soft kiss at the edge of his boyfriend's lips. Kissing again, he made his way over his cheekbones until he was just under the shell of Mason's ear. Opening his mouth a little, he sucked at the soft skin there, grinning when Mason let out an uncharacteristic whine. Jamie nipped and licked at Mason's neck, tasting the salt from his sweat from earlier that day, hot under the sun. Pulling back to look at the hickey he just made, Jamie grinned before he continued his assault, a low heat growing in his gut as Mason writhed and moaned beneath him.

Mason tightened his fingers in Jamie’s. Hips bucked up into him and a choked moan escaped Jamie’s throat.

Trailing down his boyfriend’s neck, Jamie pressed open-mouthed kisses and bites along his still sun-warmed skin.

Untangling their fingers, Mason grabbed Jamie’s hips, lighting a fire where their skin brushed. His grip tightened as he pulled Jamie down into him and Jamie moaned when he felt the hardness in his boyfriend’s pants.

Jamie sat up suddenly, straddling him and resting his hands atop Mason’s. He gazed down at him for a moment.

“You’re gorgeous, you know that?”

Mason’s eyes sparkled and he tugged at Jamie’s shirt. “Off. Off, now, please.”

He grinned as he slowly pulled his shirt off, making a show out of it.

Smirking, Mason moved his hands to his ass, caressing it for a second before giving it a squeeze and Jamie gasped.

“Your shirt has to come off, too,” Jamie pants.

Mason sat up and the movement pushed their erections together and Jamie let out a whine.

“Oh, I fully plan on it, and more, to come off,” Mason said hotly in his ear.

Jamie groaned, feeling too turned on to speak. His head fell forward to rest on Mason’s shoulder. He had to lift it a moment later as he was pulling Mason’s shirt off.

Then their chests were pressed together and bare. Their pants were thrown off, too, only moments later.

Wrapping his strong, warm arms around Jamie’s waist, Mason turned them as they lay back down. His weight pressed down on Jamie and the only thing separating them was their boxers; two thin pieces of fabric.

Jamie ran one hand over Mason’s bicep, the other tangling in his hair. Their cheeks pressed together and Mason breathed heavily in his ear and he shivered in anticipation. He didn’t know how long he’d been waiting for this, but he was ready. Mason ground down against him and his hips bucked up instinctively.

Mason moaned a “fuck, Jamie,” against his skin and then, suddenly more desperate, Jamie rolled them back over.

Jamie kissed down Mason’s chest, admiring the tone pecs and abs he could only long for from afar for what felt like the longest time. He covered his boyfriend with hundreds of kisses down, down, down until he reached his boxers. He looked up and grinned at seeing the blissed-out expression and shivers he left in his wake. He tucked a finger under the waistband and Mason gasped.

“Please.” His breath was airy.

Jamie smirked, kissing his belly button, before moving down to gently touch his inner thighs to tease Mason and keep him on the edge.

That’s when he saw the lines.

Jamie’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Mason?”

At his tone, Mason sat up a bit, propping himself up on his elbows. “What? What’s wrong?” His hazy, lust-filled eyes cleared a little.

Jamie turned his gaze back down as he tried to figure out how to ask what the lines were. He sat up slowly.

There were so many of them, crisscrossing, spanning along the entire length of both of his inner thighs. They ranged from a faded white to a bright red. They looked like… 

Mason’s eyes followed his, then back up to Jamie’s face as they widened and he froze, a look of terror spreading across his face.

Jamie’s eyes darted from Mason’s thighs to his face and back down to his thighs as he connected the dots. His eyes settled on Mason’s face and filled with tears as he realized what the lines were.

… scars.


	2. The Point of No Return

“Mason?” It was barely a whisper. Jamie didn’t even know if there was any sound or if he just mouthed the name.

Mason averted his eyes.

“Mason, baby,” Jamie was on the verge of tears, his heart shattering. 

There was so much that he wanted to say, wanted to ask. But he didn’t know how. He didn’t know if he  _ should _ ask. It was clearly a sensitive topic and he wasn’t going to burst in, demanding answers to his questions. He wouldn’t do that to him. 

But he wanted to know. He wanted to know why he had been doing this to himself. Wanted to know how long it was happening, how long he was keeping it to himself. Wanted to know if he had talked to a professional. Wanted to know how he was feeling. Wanted to know if there was something he could have done to prevent this. To prevent it from getting this bad. Wanted to know how he could help. There had to be some way he could help now, right? Right?! Maybe not. He didn’t know. Goddammit, why couldn’t he just know!

He was sitting there, gaping like a fish and he was wanting to  _ ask _ and Mason was crying and Jamie shut his mouth.

He didn’t know what to do, what to say... He didn’t know what to say and that made him upset.

Mason was looking scared. Scared for Jamie’s reaction. He was curling further into himself, moving away from Jamie. His hands covered the scars and he was pulling away. He was looking away. He was pulling away from him and Jamie was terrified that he would go too far. That he would go where Jamie couldn’t reach him.

Jamie didn’t know how to react. He wondered if him not reacting  _ was _ a reaction and he didn’t know how it was affecting Mason.

He didn’t know what to say.

He didn’t  _ know _ .

Mason wasn’t looking at him and Jamie was afraid to make any big movements that could scare the already terrified boy.

Slowly, he touched one of Mason’s ankles with his fingertips, barely brushing the skin in a small attempt to reassure him. To let him know that he was there for him. He was there for him and he wasn’t going anywhere. Mason’s wide eyes cautiously turned to his.

There were still tears streaming down Mason’s face and Jamie silently held his arms open which were immediately filled with a sobbing Mason.

Jamie pulled him in as close to him as he could. He held his boyfriend tight, burying his face into the curls he loved so much.

“I’m sorry.” Mason’s voice cracked, taking Jamie’s heart with it.

“Don’t apologize. You don’t have to apologize for anything.”

“I’m sorry! ‘M sorry” His words tumbled over each other in their desperation to get out. “I’m sorry, I-” Mason cut himself off with a sharp gasp that turned into a sob.

Jamie just held him tighter, rocking him back and forth in what he hoped was a comforting motion and kissing the top of his head. He was crying, and Mason was crying and he wanted Mason to stop crying because he hated seeing him upset, but there was no way he would actually ask him to stop. That was one thing he knew not to do.

If he were to ask that of Mason, he knew it would only have negative consequences. Mason would probably think that it wasn’t a big deal, or that Jamie didn’t care about him or how he was feeling. He would probably feel like he didn’t matter to Jamie, which was the complete opposite of the truth.

He also knew that bottling your emotions in was never a good idea and that it should help Mason to feel at least a little bit better. It may not. He had no idea of knowing. He couldn’t understand what it was like for Mason to be exposed like this, especially since Jamie found out about this by accident. Mason hadn’t planned on telling him, not now, not like this. He knew that because he saw Mason’s expression the moment he realized his scars were seen.

So they sat there, Jamie holding Mason as close as he could and rubbing his back for a long time while Mason cried. Jamie was hurt. Hurt that Mason was hurting bad enough to inflict this on himself. God, he felt awful that he didn’t know that Mason felt this way. But more importantly, he could hardly imagine what  _ Mason _ was feeling. He couldn’t… He wanted to convey his love for Mason through the hug, saying everything he couldn’t put words to.

Jamie wasn’t naive enough to think that a hug and kiss could help his boyfriend heal. Help him get better.

His mind briefly flashed to the first time he heard a talk about mental illnesses and self-harm and suicide. Someone had said something about ‘fixing’ the person and it had never sat well with Jamie. He never quite understood how you fix someone. Now he knows. You can’t. You can’t ‘fix’ them because they're not broken. There's nothing wrong with them. They have been dealing with something intense, something too big for them, and they needed to cope. Part of Jamie was grateful that he knew now- hopefully, Mason could come to him when things got difficult. Maybe, now that he knew, he could try and protect Mason from what was hurting him.

Without any clothes to act as a barrier, Jamie could feel Mason’s heart racing and he wanted to cry at how terrified he must be. He tried to hold some of his emotions in. He didn’t want to make Mason feel guilty about upsetting him, but he didn’t want Mason to think that he wasn’t affected by this at all.

So he just held him and offered as much comfort as he could.

* * *

“Do you want to get dressed?” Jamie asked quietly.

Silently, Mason nodded into his shoulder.

“Do you want me to get your clothes? You can just sit here if you want to.”

Another nod.

Jamie ran a hand up and down Mason’s back a few more times before going to pull away, only to have Mason’s arms tighten around him.

“Mason, baby, you’ll have to let go of me so I can grab our clothes.”

He could feel the reluctance as Mason slowly released him. To reassure him that he wasn’t going far, Jamie put a hand on Mason’s ankle again and kept it there as he crouched next to the bed to get at their bags. Once he had them, Mason grabbed his hand and tugged, pulling Jamie back to the bed.

Soon, they were curled up in bed again, wearing sweatpants and t-shirts now, under many layers of blankets.

Jamie had been reluctant to leave Mason’s side since, well, but he had known that a cup of tea would make his best friend feel better. So, after getting dressed, he had darted to the kitchen, making the tea as quickly as he could before going back to the bedroom.

Mason was curled up on his side in a tight ball, the collar of his shirt pulled up to hide his face.

Jamie hadn’t made him pull it down, just set the cup on the table next to the bed and climbed in beside his upset boyfriend. He lay behind him, curling around his tightly wound body, forehead resting on his back between his shoulder blades and an arm laying on top of Mason’s side, thumb rubbing little circles on his shoulder.

“I-” Mason took a shuddering breath. “I-”

Jamie softly ran a hand over Mason’s bicep. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”

Mason nodded, letting out a quiet little hum in thanks.

They lay like that for a while until Mason suddenly rolled over, pushing his face into Jamie’s neck, head tucked under his chin. His fists grabbed tightly at the fabric of his shirt as if to pull Jamie closer to him. 

Jamie felt a wetness on his neck and shirt but didn’t say anything as he wound his arms around Mason, one hand stroking up and down his back. His other hand went up to run through Mason’s hair, curls springing through his fingers.

Slowly Mason’s breathing evened out and his sniffles lessened.

Jamie didn’t stop the movement of his hands as he spoke.

“Hey,” he said softly and Mason tensed up a little. Jamie kissed the top of his head in apology. “Do you think you could have some tea? I didn’t put a lot of sugar in it, cause you don’t like it overly sweet and it might make you feel better? Uh, I don’t, I don’t know. But, like, crying makes people dehydrated and low on energy, so I thought it might help?”

“Oh,” Mason’s voice cracked on the single syllable. “Um, yeah. Sure. Thanks.”

Jamie smiled softly when Mason looked up at him for a half a second before looking away. It didn’t reach his eyes.

He helped Mason sit up and maneuvered them around until Mason was sitting between Jamie’s legs and leaning back against his chest, Jamie pressing kisses anywhere he could throughout the whole change of position. Little ones on his shoulders, curls, the back of his hand, his palms, and tear-streaked cheeks.

Mason held the cup of tea with both hands, holding it near his face. The still-hot tea sending warm air up onto his face that would’ve fogged up his glasses had he still been wearing them. Jamie could smell the sweet camomile tea from where his head lay with his chin hooked over on Mason’s shoulder.

He closed his eyes and just sat there with his arms around his boyfriend, one hand under his shirt, stroking the skin over his ribs. The other lay resting on his hip over top both the sweatpants and blankets, where they were pulled over their laps.

They sat like that until Mason finished the tea, setting the now-empty cup on the table beside his glasses. Jamie kept his arms open as his best friend crawled back into his embrace. They lay down again, Jamie on his back and Mason curled up into his side, but Mason’s gaze was fixated on his hands that were fidgeting with the hem of Jamie’s shirt.

Jamie ran a hand through Mason’s dark curls to soothe the agitated boy in his arms. “We can take a nap if you want. You’re probably tired. I mean, like, crying makes people sleepy?”

Jamie had been watching where his fingers were running through his hair, so he didn’t notice when Mason’s hands stilled. He did notice when one of Mason’s hands came up to cup his face. Their gazes met for the first time in a while and Jamie could see that Mason was still upset (of course he was; Jamie would be worried if he wasn’t), though he had calmed down from his panicked state from before.

“Thank you,” Mason said sincerely, gratefully, and Jamie nodded.

“Of course. Anything for you.”

Mason gave him a soft, sad smile, kissing his sternum before closing his eyes and laying his head on Jamie’s chest, over where his heart beat for his best friend and boyfriend.

Jamie lay awake for a while after Mason drifted off.

He wanted to hold Mason close to him forever. Wanted to protect him from the cruelty of life that had hurt him. Mason didn’t deserve to have the world pressing down on him like it apparently had been. Though Jamie pushed those thoughts aside. He wouldn’t make assumptions about what happened. He’d wait and let Mason tell him when he’s ready.

He cleared his thoughts and just looked at the sleeping boy, fingers playing with his soft hair, kissing his forehead every time he whimpered, the furrows smoothing away with each kiss.

The moon was high in the sky and the stars were out when Jamie finally let his eyes flutter shut.


	3. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day.

When Jamie woke up, the sun was starting to peek out and birds were calling in the early morning light.

Jamie rubbed at his eyes and blinked slowly, sleepily gazing at the light blue sky. He started to sit up to stretch but a pair of arms hooked around his torso wrapped tighter, keeping him where he was. He looked down and saw that Mason was still asleep with his face buried into Jamie’s side, just under his arm.

His head was resting on Jamie’s shoulder and Jamie’s arm was hooked around him, hand resting on his shoulder. He was breathing slow and steady as he held Jamie close to him. Their legs were tangled together, as they usually were whenever they shared a bed since they started dating.

Jamie usually got up right away and showered to wake himself up, and being forced to stay in bed was leaving him hazy with sleep. He ended up in a half-asleep state where he was too tired to do or think about anything but too awake to fall asleep again.

He brought his other hand up to draw lazy circles and random shapes on the arm Mason had draped across his chest. He traced his way down Mason’s arm to the back of his hand. Once he reached his fingertips, Jamie wove their fingers together and held their clasped hands over his heart.

He was lost in thought about everythings and nothings until his growling stomach back to the present. He had probably been awake for half an hour to an hour and he was usually having breakfast by then.

Careful to not move too much and wake Mason up, Jamie reached over to the nightstand and grabbed his phone to check the time. 7:57.

Deciding to make some food for the two of them, he slowly took Mason’s arm from his chest and put it between them. Then he slid a hand under his head and lifted it off his shoulder, gently placing it on the pillow and crawling out from his boyfriend’s embrace. Before he left, Jamie kissed Mason’s cheek, lips lingering for a second.

In the kitchen, Jamie rummaged through the food they brought with them and got started on making omelettes. He scrambled the eggs, grated cheese, chopped up pieces of ham and put them in separate bowls. He was about to turn on the stove when he realized he didn’t know when Mason would wake up.

Jamie often was the one to wake up first, so it wasn’t a surprise that Mason was still asleep, but he did cry a lot the day before and Jamie didn’t know how exhausted he was. For all he knew, Mason could sleep for another few hours and by then their food would be cold.

Figuring it would be better to wait, Jamie put the started omelettes in the fridge and made himself some toast, smearing it with peanut butter and jam. He washed the dishes when he was done and went back to the bedroom.

He knocked quietly on the door in case Mason was awake and was getting dressed, or something. It was silent and when he opened the door, he found Mason sleeping just as soundly as he left him. Jamie debated whether he should shower, but chose not to, thinking that the noise could disturb Mason.

Instead, he went back to the bed and climbed in again, getting situated and gathering his best friend back into his arms.

He laid there and didn’t do anything as he held Mason. He mostly found himself thinking about the upcoming school year and the courses he was enrolled in. It would be the first time taking a class specifically for graphic design; he wouldn’t have to be figuring it all out on his own anymore.

He started getting a little restless, though, and thought that maybe a nap would help the time pass.

Jamie closed his eyes, enveloped in the warmth of the bed and found himself drifting back off into a half-asleep doze sooner than he was expecting. The way Mason was clinging to him probably didn’t help.

He was on the brink of falling asleep when a gentle movement brought him back.

Opening his eyes, he saw Mason shuffling around a little as he woke up.

Mason’s warm, sleep-filled eyes blinked up at him. “S’rry. Didn’ mean t’ wake you.”

“You didn’t,” Jamie assured. “I’ve been up for a while, I was just napping.”

“Oh. Sorry. What’s the time?”

Jamie fumbled around to grab his phone, which was back on the nightstand. “11:23.”

“ _ Je _ sus,” Mason said, rubbing at his eyes. “That was, what, 12 hours?”

“Something like that.” It was probably more than 12 hours, but Jamie didn’t correct him.

Mason groaned, then paused mid-stretch to look at Jamie. “When did you say you woke up?”

“Around 7,” he said, wondering where Mason was going. “Why?”

“Have you eaten?” He sat up and the blanket pooled around his waist. “You must be starving.”

Jamie grinned, touched at the way Mason was thinking and concerned about him amidst what he was going through. “Nah. I had some toast. I started to make omelettes but then I realized I didn’t know when you’d wake up so I put the stuff back in the fridge.”

“I appreciate it,” Mason said with a soft smile that made Jamie’s heart skip a beat.

“Well,” he said, sitting up as well, “I haven’t showered yet, so Imma go do that now. I’ll finish the eggs when I’m out.”

Cupping a hand around the back of his neck, Mason tugged him in for a kiss.

“You taste like peanut butter,” Mason mumbled into his lips and Jamie laughed.

He felt Mason watching him as he gathered what he needed for his shower.

“Why didn’t you shower earlier?” he asked, knowing it was always the first thing Jamie did in the mornings.

“Didn’t want to wake you. You needed the sleep,” he said before closing the door to the bathroom, missing the fond look Mason sent his way.

While he was standing in the warm water and washing the grime away, Jamie thought about what happened the day before and how he should approach the topic. He didn’t want to push Mason, but he couldn’t just pretend that nothing happened.

He dried off and got dressed, ready to cook the eggs. He walked out to the kitchen only to find Mason placing two plates of omelettes and bacon down on the kitchen counter in front of the two barstools.

Jamie came up short in the doorway, towel still on his head from where he was drying his hair.

“Oh. You didn’t have to- I mean, I could’ve…”

“Yeah, I know you said you would, but I wanted to make it for you. As a thank you. I really appreciate what you did and said last night.”

Setting down the towel, Jamie stepped forward and scooped Mason into a hug and peppered his face with kisses, ending with a deep, passionate kiss.

After they finished eating, Jamie gathered up their dishes and put them in the sink to clean later. He sat back down at the counter with new cups of tea in front of them.

“Hey,” he said carefully, staring out the window- not looking  _ at _ Mason, but close enough he could watch from his peripherals.

He’d put off the conversation to not ambush Mason as soon as he woke up, but couldn’t continue ignoring it. He wanted Mason to know that he was important to Jamie and that he wanted to help him.

Mason slowly looked up from his tea, as if he felt the hesitation in his voice.

He felt like he was treading in uncharted waters. “I’m not going to force you to talk about it, not to me, but I can’t just ignore it. You- I think you should talk to someone.”

“I know.” Mason looked back down at his tea. “We might as well get comfortable. This could take a while.”

“We don’t have to talk right now,” he said as Mason stood. “I meant in general. When you’re ready.”

Mason cupped a hand around the back of his neck and Jamie’s skin flushed at the touch.

“I know.” He leaned in for a kiss and Jamie was happy to oblige.

He loved the way Mason’s soft lips moved against his own and he sighed deliriously into his boyfriend’s mouth. Being the taller of the two, Jamie didn’t often have to tilt his head up to kiss him, but with Mason standing over him, he savoured the moment. From where he sat, he could nip his way along the underside of Mason’s jaw, along his 5 o’clock shadow. Mason hadn’t shaved in over 24 hours and the stubble was brushing roughly against his lips.

Mason quivered under his hands, which were resting on his hips. Jamie slid his arms around his waist, tugging him in between his open legs, hooking one around Mason’s.

There was an unexpected noise from next to them and Jamie paused, opening his eyes.

Mason’s hand was still curled around the handle of the mug, which was now on the counter, tea spilling down the side. He must’ve put it down too hard.

He watched as Mason released the mug and cupped his face in both hands, tilting him back up. He kissed Jamie properly and firmly, their mouths pressing hard against the other.

After a few moments, Mason softened the kiss, kissing him lighter and sweeter. It left Jamie dizzy and breathless.

“C’mon,” Mason said softly, pulling back and ripping an involuntary whine from Jamie’s throat.

“What?” His chest was heaving and it took a few seconds for his post-make-out brain-haze to catch up. “Oh. Okay.”

“You’re good at that, you know,” Mason said as he guided Jamie to the couch.

“At…? Oh.” He blushed when Mason looked at him with an ‘are you serious?’ expression.

They situated themselves next to each other on the couch, throw blanket across their laps and tea in hand. Jamie sat patiently, not wanting to push Mason into the conversation. He looked nervous enough, twisting his hands around his mug in his lap.

“You don't  _ have _ to talk to me if you don't want to, Mace.”

“No. No, I want to. I don't think I'd have the courage to tell anyone if I don’t say anything now. I want, I want you to know.”

Jamie hesitated, still not thinking that Mason was quite ready to talk about it yet, but he wasn't going to make the decision for him. He nodded. “Okay. Take your time. We've still got a day and a half before we're expected back home. And we'll have time when we're there as well. You don't need to rush into it."

“I- I think I'm depressed. I mean,” he glanced down at his covered legs and Jamie pictured the scattering of scars along his thighs. “Well, I'm pretty sure? I haven't been diagnosed but… ” he shrugged and ran a hand through his hair. “My father…”

Jamie felt his gaze harden and fists tighten a little. He hadn't ever been fond of Mason's father, even before Mason found out he cheated on his mom. He’d always given off an angry vibe like he could start yelling at the drop of a hat.

“He- when I still hadn't understood what sexuality was, I uh, I made the mistake of referring to a boy as being pretty to him- it was you, but I didn't tell him that- and he belted me so hard I couldn't see straight. Uh, pun not intended.” Mason chuckled awkwardly, but Jamie only felt a mix of horror and fury.

“He was always rough with me after that. Pushing and shoving, making me do ‘manly’ things, though I didn't understand _ why _ at the time. I figured that it had to do with what I had said, but I didn't get how they were related. He also made sure to constantly point out how boys were supposed to like girls and that only girls could be pretty. But obviously that's not true, I mean, look at you.” Mason nudged his shoulder against Jamie’s, looking up at him the way he usually did when complimenting him, but he must've still had a horrified expression on his face because Mason's smile immediately dropped and he looked down at his hands.

Jamie reached out, lacing his fingers with his, clasping his hands over Mason's. He gave a gentle squeeze and got one back before Mason continued on.

“He pushed me into working out and getting muscles, and working at his shop, and hit me if I wasn’t pushing myself hard enough. It was tolerable most of the time, but-”

Jamie didn’t like the sound of that. The sentence was problematic in more ways than one. Like the fact that Mason had to endure it in the first place as well as it happening often enough for Mason to get used to it.

“-some days were worse and it was some point during then that I’d started to… Well, he saw us at graduation.”

Jamie’s blood ran cold. Shit. He didn’t want to hear what came next. He didn’t want Mason to have gone through this, alone.

“He didn’t physically do anything day of ‘cause he knew I was expected at Brodie’s a few hours later. He yelled, though. At dinner, as I told you. After I got home from yours he...” Mason paused, biting at his trembling lip. “He beat me bad enough I couldn’t leave the house for a few days.”

Jamie felt like throwing up.

"That's the worst it's ever been, but, like. Fuck. He’s my  _ dad _ ." Mason sounded distraught.

He thought back to the day they graduated. After Brodie’s party, Mason spent the night with him and Jamie had been so grateful to have him that he hadn’t wanted him to leave. He remembered those few days without Mason and how it was torture, especially since he had known at that point that Mason was gay and liked him back. Now he knew why they couldn’t be together.

He wanted to voice his concerns but what came out instead was; “You said you were finding a couch for Londa’s apartment.”

Part of Jamie was hurt that Mason didn’t trust him, lied to him but he forced it down. Mason had every right to privacy. Jamie knew he hadn’t been ready for anyone to know; still wasn’t, going by how he reacted when Jamie found out. Still, he wished he’d known, though he wasn’t sure what he would have done. Maybe it was a good thing he hadn’t known; he wanted to find and fight Mason’s dad, despite being a two-hour drive away. There’s no telling what he would have done if they were still in Boise.

“I know,” Mason said, bringing him back to their conversation. “And I did, it just didn’t take a few days. I found one within a few hours on the last day.”

Shit. Jamie’s stomach churned as he pictured Mason stuck and suffering at home with his shitty- apparently violent- father without anywhere or anyone to turn to. Nothing to turn to except…

The words “I hate him” flew from his mouth before he even decided to say them.

Mason looked up sharply, a startled expression gracing his features. By the words themselves or the venom lacing them, Jamie didn’t know.

“He  _ hit _ you, Mason. He hit you and hurt you when he was supposed to be the one to protect you. Obviously, I’m not going to be a fan of him.”

“I know,” Mason said, looking down at his lap. His cheeks were tinted pink and a hint of a smile brushed his lips and suddenly Jamie realized why he looked at him like that.

It saddened Jamie to know that Mason wasn’t expecting him to stand with him against his father, but it was also nice to know how much his support meant to him. How much  _ he _ meant to Mason. He wanted to step forward and prove that he wasn’t going anywhere- that Mason could count on him to be there.

Mason tightened his grip on Jamie’s hand- a thank you- and Jamie squeezed back- a promise.

A curl had fallen in Mason’s face when he looked down and Jamie brushed it back with his opposite hand, brushing the shell of his ear. Rather than pulling away, he left his fingers in Mason’s hair for a second before it fell to his shoulder and kissed his cheek.

Mason leaned into his touch, bumping Jamie’s head with his own.

There was still a tension strung through him and Jamie pulled back just enough to study his features.

“There’s more, isn’t there?” he asked sadly. He prayed he was wrong, but Mason’s slow nod churned his stomach.

“Technically. It’s not as bad, though. It’s fine.” He brushed a hand through the air as though to dismiss the thought.

“If it’s bothering you, it’s not fine.” Jamie twisted in his seat, turning to properly face Mason and gave a small squeeze to the shoulder he was still holding onto. “Mace, please. If you’re willing, I'd like to share the load. Obviously, you don't have to tell me- I don't want to make you feel obligated to say anything- but I want you to know that I'd like to help you in any way I can."

"I know, and I appreciate it- I really do. I love you."

"I love you too."

Mason took a long drink of his tea in what, Jamie assumed, was an attempt to prepare himself for what he was going to say.

“It was mostly nothing, like I said. He just pushed and needled me to do better and better at school. I don’t know if was to make up for the fact that I’m gay or because Gabe and Londa didn’t go out bigger and better enough. It didn’t seem enough that Londa is going to university because she was still at home until recently and he made it clear he wasn’t pleased that I’m going to WSU. He wanted me to go to Harvard or Berkley. Stanford or any of the Ivy League schools- doesn’t care, eh,  _ didn’t _ care what school or degree so long as I did better and better than before. If he wasn’t so preoccupied yelling at me for being gay after graduation, he probably would’ve yelled anyway about being close but not actually getting valedictorian. Like, if I got that close, why couldn’t I have been just  _ that _ much better.”

The blood drained from Jamie’s face as he thought about all the times he told Mason that he was too smart to go to WSU. With Mason’s grades, he  _ could’ve _ gone to any of the Ivy League schools and Jamie had told him so, not knowing that it was something that was weighing down on him already. Jamie didn’t know that Mason going to WSU was something he was doing for himself, something he  _ needed _ as he escaped the clutches of his father. He didn’t know how important it was for him to go to WSU. Mason didn’t need the additional pressure from his best friend.

Suddenly, Jamie’s mom’s comment about how Mr. and Mrs. V should be proud that Mason’s going to college hit differently than before. Mason simply going to college wasn’t enough for Mr. V. Not when being salutatorian wasn’t enough.

Jamie put his mug down on the coffee table and buried his face in both hands. “I’m so sorry. I- shit. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Mason said, echoing his words from earlier.

Jamie kept his face buried to hide the tears that were starting to form. “I hurt you.”

“What? You didn’t hurt me.”

“I’m just as bad as him,” Jamie continued, guilt gnawing at his stomach.

“What are you talking about?” Mason sounded genuinely confused.

Jamie’s hands were tugged from his face and he was forced to meet Mason’s concerned gaze.

“Jamie, whatever you’re thinking; no. I don’t know what you’re talking about but you didn’t hurt me. In no way are you anything like him.” Mason’s hands tighten their hold on Jamie’s, urging him to believe him and Jamie’s tears began to fall. Mason looked back and forth between his eyes, trying to figure out what he meant, what was upsetting him.

His bottom lip trembled. “I pressured you about going to a better school. I’m just as bad as him. I told you you were too good for WSU. I didn’t know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, Jamie, baby.” Mason released one of his hands to cup his cheek, wiping away a tear with the pad of his thumb. “You didn’t do anything wrong. As you said, you didn’t know. I didn’t let you know- you couldn’t have known what my father was telling me, but that doesn’t mean you hurt me, okay?”

Jamie closed his eyes, leaning into his boyfriend’s touch.

“I promise you’re not anything like him. Even if we ignore everything else he did to me, you’re still so much better than him. He lashed out to hurt me, purposely put pressure on me. You wanted what you thought was best for me. The fact that you’re crying about what you thought you did is enough proof that you’re so much better. He never felt bad for what he did. I know you wouldn’t ever intentionally hurt me, okay? I trust you and I love you.”

Even though his words comforted Jamie, reassured him, his tears still turned into sobs and he cried over what he went through.

Pulled into a hug, Jamie buried his face again, this time into the crook of Mason’s neck. His own arms held onto Mason tightly, clutching onto him with everything he had.

Mason soon joined him in his crying, and when the two of them calmed down they were laying down, tangled together on the couch. The blanket was still thrown over their laps, but most of it had fallen to the floor with their shifting and changing positions over the course of the conversation.

“I love you,” Mason said, breaking the silence that fell upon them.

Jamie kissed his cheek. “I love you too.”

“Are you feeling better?”

Jamie pulled back to look at him, and Mason’s fingers paused where they were in the middle of running through Jamie’s hair. “I should be asking you that.”

“I’m okay,” Mason said, smiling reassuringly and Jaime sighed in relief. Mason resumed threading his fingers through his hair and Jamie melted into him. “I'm glad I don't have to talk about it again.”

“What?” Jamie shook his head. “No, you still have to. I'm sorry, but you do.”

“What? But I told you everything. Isn't that enough?” Mason’s eyes were wide with panic.

“No, baby.” Jamie still had tears in his eyes as he cupped Mason's cheek. “I'm not a therapist. I'm not a counsellor of any kind. I can't give you all the help you need. Please promise me you'll talk to a professional at least once.”

Mason's bottom lip quivered. “Okay,” his voice wobbled. “I'll go for you.”

Again, Jamie shook his head. “No. Not for me. You have to go for yourself. I can't, we can't help you if you don't want it. Okay? I want you to want to get help.”

“I do.” Tears were streaming down Mason's face again, wetting Jamie’s hand. “I want it, I do. I just hadn't been ready to tell anyone, to accept help before. I'm sorry.”

Tilting Mason’s face forward, Jamie pressed a kiss to his forehead, shortly followed by more little kisses peppering his face. Mason leaned into him, his arms reached out and slid around Jamie’s waist. Jamie moved his hand from his cheek to pull Mason back into an embrace.

They sat there, cuddling on the couch for a while until Mason suggested they go for a walk.

“We’ve been in here crying a lot more than expected,” he said with a bit of a laugh. “Some sun would be a good idea. Maybe we can grab lunch, uh, dinner I guess, on our way back?”

“That sounds amazing,” Jamie said though he didn’t loosen his hold of Mason right away. Instead, he tilted Mason’s face up with a finger under his chin and kissed him, slow and deep. A promise that he meant what he said. A promise to always be there for him.

“As much as I love this,” Mason mumbled into his lips, hand warm against the back of Jamie’s neck, “we really should get some fresh air.”

* * *

They grabbed some snacks and drinks to go and wandered around McCall for a bit, looking for a nice place to stop and rest. Mason led him through a wooded park where they stumbled upon an open clearing with a little creek.

Mason toed off his shoes and stepped barefoot into the water. “C’mon!’ he called over his shoulder.

Despite it being the summer, Jamie frowned at the creek. “How cold is it?”

“It’s fine.” Mason sat on a rock, feet in the water as he looked to the shore where Jamie was still standing.

“Fine fine or it’s-fine-for-me-but-is-going-to-make-Jamie-freeze-his-feet-off fine?” he asked, remembering how cold the water had been the last time they were at McCall. Mason had wadded into the water no problem, but Jamie hadn’t gone any further than up to his shins in the water.

Mason laughed and Jamie was grateful to hear the sound after an evening and morning full of tears.

“It’s fine fine. It’s actually kind of warm, probably because it’s so shallow and doesn’t take much sunlight to warm it up.”

Though he was still hesitant, Jamie tested the temperature of the water, pleased to find it something he could tolerate. He soon joined Mason on the rock, the water gently lapping at his ankles.

They fell into conversations about little nothings again as they snacked and Jamie looked around them, wishing he had his sketchbook to capture nature’s beauty.

“How long are you wanting to stay here?” Jamie eventually asked.

“Why?”

“The sun’s brighter than I anticipated and I forgot to put on sunscreen before we left.”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Mason said coyly and Jamie knew he was teasing him. “I think it’s pretty nice out. Gorgeous, even.”

Just to show off, Mason pulled off his shirt and leaned back on the sun-hot rock.

Rising to take the bait, Jamie said, “Hey, unlike you, I  _ don’t _ tan, I burn.”

“Sounds like a you problem.” Mason closed his eyes and pushed his glasses up his nose as if they were sunglasses.

Jamie rolled his eyes and swiped Mason’s shirt and held it up as a shield from the sun, earning another laugh from Mason.


	4. Better Days Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thre two scenes take place a few weeks after the end of the last chapter and are distanced by around a week themselves.

“Hey,” Jamie said, breaking the silence. “Have you, um, have you thought about talking to someone?”

A couple of weeks had passed since the two of them returned from McCall and they hadn’t talked about what happened. Jamie didn’t want to pressure Mason into talking to someone, but he also didn’t want for nothing to happen. Rather, he brought it up on a lazy morning while they were laying in Jamie’s bed, just enjoying the quiet of the day and the other’s presence.

“Oh.” Mason looked down at their intertwined fingers. “Um.”

“Sorry, I just… I think it can help, y’know. Getting it off your chest? Getting help?”

Jamie didn’t want to have to force Mason to talk about it- he didn’t want to force him to do anything- but he didn’t want to ignore it.

“I, I don’t know, Jamie…” Mason’s voice was small.

“You don’t-? But- I thought you wanted to talk to someone.”

“I know I said that but…”

After a few seconds of silence, Jamie prompted. “But?”

Mason pulled his hand out of Jamie’s and sat up, blanket pooling around his waist. He didn’t turn to look at Jamie. He just faced ahead, toward the wall opposite.

Jamie’s heart sank. Shit. He messed up. He sat up as well and opened his mouth to apologize when Mason started speaking.

“It’s hard. It’s hard to make a decision like that- not whether I want help, because I do- but because it just… it’s something irreversible. Like, once I go…” he ran a hand through his curls. “Once I go, then I’m the person who has a therapist. I’m the person who’s so messed up and broken that they need someone else to fix them. I’m the, I’m the freak.” He finally turned to look at him and Jamie could see the tears and raw emotion in his eyes. “I don’t want  _ that _ ,” Mason admitted quietly. “I don’t want you to think less of me or, or love me less.”

Jamie inhaled sharply. The idea that Mason would think that of him hurt and his eyes stung with tears. “I would  _ never _ . I promise, there’s nothing in this world that can make me love you or think of you less. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, first as my best friend and now as my boyfriend. Nothing can change that.”

Mason’s breath hitched and then he was crying.

Jamie opened his arms and Mason slumped into him, crying into his shoulder. He held him close quietly for a few minutes.

“Baby.” Jamie ran his hands over Mason’s back and through his hair. “That’s not, you’re, no. That’s not how it is. You’re  _ not _ a freak. You’re not messed up or broken or weird or whatever else it is that you’re thinking. You’re not broken and you’re not, you can’t be ‘fixed’ because you’re not broken. Getting help is not the same thing as being fixed. You’re  _ not _ . I promise. And, and no one’s ever going to say anything like that.”

“But…” Mason’s voice hitched.

“No buts. Would it help to think about it this way? Like, when I needed help for a class- like Purdy’s government- did you feel like you were fixing me?”

“What? No, obviously not.”

“There we go. Granted this isn’t the same as Purdy’s government…” Jamie trailed off as Mason gave a wet chuckle.

“You don’t think I’m a freak?”

“Of course not.” Jamie kissed his curls. “I love you and you’re amazing and the best person I know.”

Mason tilted his head up and cupped a hand around the back of Jamie’s neck to pull him down into a kiss.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“You don’t have to thank me for loving you,” Jamie said, wiping Mason’s tears away with the pad of his thumb.

* * *

“I don’t want to go.” Mason was staring wide-eyed at the building in front of them and Jamie tried to stop himself from frowning. He thought Mason- “I mean, I do, but… I don’t  _ want _ this. I don’t want to need it.”

Jamie wanted to say he knew what he meant- to comfort Mason- but he didn’t because he couldn’t. He couldn’t understand what this was like for him. Instead, he reached out a hand, palm up and open for Mason to take. He did.

“It’s stupid, but, I- I’m scared.” Mason’s voice quivered.

"I know, baby." Jamie briefly thought of when his mom took him to see someone when he was scared to tell her that he was gay, then shook it away. That was nothing like this. “And it’s not stupid. I don’t know what to say to make you feel better about it, but I promise nothing about this is stupid.”

Mason looked down at his lap. His posture changed the slightest amount- Jamie could see him drawing in on himself- and he was worried that Mason was pulling away from  _ him _ until his fingers tightened on Jamie’s.

“Hey,” he said softly to not panic him. “Look at me.”

Mason hesitated, eyes flicking over once, before falling back down to his lap.

“Mace, baby.” Jamie cupped a hand on Mason’s cheek, gently turning his face to his. “It isn’t stupid to be nervous or scared about something like this; admitting that you need help and talking to someone. If I were to have an appointment with a therapist, I know I’d be scared shitless. I think you’re really brave for being here and willing to talk to someone. I don’t know if you need to feel validated by having someone tell you that you’re brave, but if you want me to remind you that you are and that I believe in you, I can. Because you are and I do.”

Mason sat there silently for a few moments, wide eyes scanned over Jamie’s face, looking for something, and Jamie was worried that he said something wrong, something that he shouldn’t have. Mason apparently found what he was looking for because he nuzzled into Jamie’s palm.

“I’ll be with you every step of the way, okay? I mean, if you don’t want me to come with you to something, then obviously I won’t, but I’m not going to leave you. I’ll be here, waiting for you.”

“You’re going to come inside, though, won’t you?” Mason’s voice had a pinch or worry.

“I didn’t mean here as in my car, but yeah. I meant that I’d be  _ here _ , cause, like, I can’t go in to see the therapist with you.”

“Oh, okay.”

“I was trying to be supportive,” he said, then behind half a hand, he added a little quieter, “and a little romantic,” before switching back to his normal voice. “But you ruined it!” He hoped to lighten the mood a little with his joke but instead of laughing, Mason simply raised an eyebrow.

“Romantic?” He asked slyly, focusing on the less-important part of Jamie’s statement and he knew Mason would be okay.

“Yeah. ‘I’ll be here waiting for you’ is, like, a really romantic line. Just saying.”

Mason’s eyes got their familiar sparkle back. “Just how many princess books have you read to the girls?”

“Fuck off,” Jamie laughed.

Mason laughed a little as well and was looking more relaxed.

“Are you good to go in?” Jamie asked, wanting to check in with how Mason was feeling.

Mason took a deep breath, looking back at the therapist’s office building. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you find yourself in a situation like Mason, please consider talking to someone- keeping it in and trying to deal with it by yourself can be harmful to a person. You can chat with me if you'd like- about this or anything else- I care about all of you and would be willing to help in any way I can :)
> 
> If you enjoyed it, kudos and/or comments would be much appreciated!  
> I'm always open for requests for anything, so feel free to message me here or on Tumblr (LarryLashton98 or fanartsarahtregay)

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, please leave kudos and/or comments! I appreciate any and all feedback!
> 
> Next chapter will be up shortly!


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